#5 Dating.

*Names have been changed to protect people's privacy.

If i told you about every time i had been hurt or let down, we'd be here for years. And i bet it's the same for you.

Right?

I bet you've been hurt lots of times. Whether it be intentional or unintentional.

We are hurt almost every day. Whether our boss or a colleague isn't very nice to us, or we've been dumped, or we've been let down by a friend or loved one, or we've lost someone.

We even hurt ourselves.

Dating someone even though we know they are players, by rushing or being clumsy and injuring ourself, and we've ALL stubbed our toe on the end of the bed or stood on a plug

[worst pain ever]

I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to dating. But i bet you do too. Even if you're in a relationship now, you've dated before. You've been hurt before.

We all have.

[Let's call my most recent boyfriend Max]

Relationship ended for a definite around 6 months ago

I was on and off with Max for a total of 4 years. More off in that 4 years. We would split up for 6-8 months at a time and then only get back together for a few months before breaking up again. We would always go back to each other though.

[Well...I would always go back to him]...

I haven't wasted 4 years of my life though because, although there are a lot of bad memories with Max, there are also a lot of beautiful memories. And i did love Max, i still do. I love all my exes, they gave me many happy times and showed me that love does exist, it can exist.

You see people lie and say they don't love their exes. I tell the truth.

Of course we love them, that's why we were with them, right? Unless you're one of these that has a relationship for a year, then you're single for a week then you have another relationship for a year. [How do people do that? How do they find these people? I can't even get a text back let alone a date or a relationship!]

I'm not saying what these people do is wrong. People can do what they like. It's just me, personally, i'm extremely picky and only get into serious relationships after months of dating one person and after being single for a good while after my ex relationship and i 100% know this person inside and out.

You might think 'Well maybe you would be in a relationship one after the other Jodie if you could get a text back or a date'

Let me correct myself, i do get texts and date invites. Just not by the men that i want to get them from. Now i'm really sorry if i am offending any body now, maybe you've asked me on a date before and you're thinking how horrible i sound. But i'm just telling the truth. I don't want to hurt you like people have hurt me. I don't want to date you if i'm not interested in you or if i'm not attracted to you. If this sounds shallow, then i'm sorry. But of course we have to be attracted to one another to form a relationship, isn't that what relationships are all about! Being attracted to one another?!

Now you might be thinking, how can you know if you are attracted to someone if you don't meet them and get to know their personality. The truth is, i just know. And i'm not going to waste their time like people do to me.

I do my investigations, i look through their photos, i look through their statuses. Now i'm judging right? Before I've met the person? And I've told you not to judge people...

But i'm not judging them from what somebody else has told me, or a rumor i have heard. I am making my own judgement, by looking at their profile myself. Plus, don't you think I've tried meeting these men?! These men that i'm not attracted to, that i don't really have any interest in meeting. Yes. I have.

And guess what?

I didn't like them, just as i knew i wouldn't. I met them and wasn't attracted to them, wasn't interested in them, and i hurt them.

I hate hurting people. So i vowed never to hurt a man again, so i don't meet them if i'm not interested.

This might mean that i am blocking myself from meeting the man of my dreams. The man of my dreams might be somebody i'm not initially attracted to or interested in. But i can't change how i feel. You see i talk to every boy in person. Any woman. Any man. If i'm out in a pub, i'll chat to the table next to me. Even if it's a table of men that i am not attracted too. I love communication. I need communication.

So, why don't i just meet people and see how it goes?

I just don't want to.

I've been there, I've done that. It hasn't worked.

I want to meet somebody either naturally, or, if it's somebody from the internet, i want to be attracted to them and want to relate to their content. So if you have inboxed me asking for a date, and i declined, i'm sorry. But i just don't want to hurt you.

'It's okay if you don't like me, just give me a chance'

'One drink, that's all i ask'

That's what the last guy said, and when i told him i still wasn't interested after our first date, he went mental at me and made me feel like an extremely bad person.

Why am i a bad person? I told them i really wasn't interested [At least 10 times]

It's not just men that i'm not physically attracted too that i don't meet.

Even if your 10/10 and all the girls are after you, if your status are nasty, or you just seem really uninteresting or you don't have an interest for anything other than yourself, then i still won't meet you.

Also, if a guy messages me and it's so obvious that he just wants one thing. It puts me off straight away.

'Want to come round for a bit of fun?'

EW NO.

I might buy this phone case I've just come across

You see i was never this picky, but that's why i am now.

Because i once wasn't picky, and it was just bloody terrible.

We're all not picky when we're younger, because we didn't know what we do like and what we don't like back then. How can we? We hadn't learnt yet.

We've learnt now.

Or if you haven't yet, don't worry, you will.

I know now. I know what i like and what i don't like. I know what i deserve.

So, i'm sorry.

I'm sorry that i don't want to date you. But, i am looking out for you and i am looking out for myself.

I'll tell you more about my most recent relationship with Max* later, but for now, let's talk more about dating.

Let's start with my most awkward date...

I went on a date once [I met him on a dating site]

We were meeting in a pub 20 minutes from where i lived. But it took me an hour to get there. Not because of traffic, oh no. Just because i'm silly and i got lost and there was no signal on my iphone so my MAPS wasn't working properly. It was a nightmare, i was so pissed off.

So when i finally arrived at the date, you would have thought i would be relieved and happy to see Greg*

But then he spoke

'OMG BABEEE SO NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOUUUU BABE OH MY GODD LOOK I'M WEARING MY NEW ARMANIS BABEEEEE DYA LIKE UMMMMM THEY WERE £200'

Shit what the hell just happened.

I could not believe it... He was so camp.

Now don't get me wrong i LOVE camp men. My best friend is camper than David Walliams. [Who i also love] But i don't really want to date a camp man. And bragging about how much your shoes cost being your first sentence to me? EW

Anyway, i'm not one to be nasty so i continued my date with Greg and decided to give him a chance. He might be really nice. Or so i thought.

Thirty minutes into the date and Greg had managed to describe to me how awful my clothes were from head to toe [I shop at Primark, have i mentioned i love Primark, I LOVE PRIMARK]

He was bragging about all the designer clothes that he had and he couldn't believe i shopped in Primark. He called me cheap and tacky and said no wonder i was single.

I literally do not care about money - or designer clothes - or how big your house is - i am the least materialistic girl you'll ever meet. You could live in a shed for all i care - in fact i would live in a shed.

That's what upset me. Even though Greg* was very camp and flamboyant and i didn't fancy him at all. I still gave him a chance, to be nice. But there he was, being nasty to me?

It went from bad to worst.

He was making fun of my hair, my glasses, the way i SPOKE [Can you bloody believe it, the way iiiiii spoke!]

I realized i had given Greg more than enough chances to be nice and redeem himself and it just wasn't going anywhere; So, after 1 hour of torture, i offered him a lift home...

By the way, i didn't once say anything nasty to Greg. I would if that happened now mind, i know my worth now. I know what i deserve and how i deserve to be spoken to. I know not to be treated like that.

I've grown up.

[ It's taken me years of mental abuse and years of heart break to know my worth you see - I didn't know it back then on my date with Greg, how could i? ...]

How do we know how strong we are, until being strong is our only choice?

Back to the 'date'....

The annoying thing was there WAS actually fit men in the bar - and if i was alone i could have maybe had a NICE conversation with one of them...[Who am i kidding, they probably would have been nasty to me too....]

Anyway so we're in my car [worth far more than Greg's Armani shoes but i didn't mention that....because i'm not an idiot]

Anyway, Greg was still talking about his designer wardrobe. He had given me a migraine by this point. I just wanted to get this b*stard home.

A car came towards me on my side of the road so i had to swerve it and we ended up in a ditch. Not a big ditch, like a slope of mud. Greg was screaming SO loud. He was SUCH a DRAMA QUEEN. I was fine. In fact... the car crash was far less painful and annoying than Greg. So it didn't really phase me.