#1 Don't ignore the niggle.

Just lately, something has been niggling away at me. I'm not talking about the usual niggles such as 'You need to pay your bill' or 'You really need to eat more healthy' ...

This niggle is one i have never had before.

I have never been one for keeping a diary, or writing down my feelings. Those that know me know that i enjoy talking about my feelings on Facebook Lives, but something is telling me to start actually writing...

Now i have absolutely no idea why. So here are the only reasons i can think of:

• Maybe my time on earth is coming to an end and i want to leave something behind. (Hopefully the most unlikely, i'm scared of dying)

• Maybe i'll have kids one day and i want them to be able to look back at this and be proud of their mummy

• Maybe this is just for me to look back on and be proud of what i have gone through and what i have achieved.

• People can't respond with a nasty comment on here, they can on a Facebook Live

• Maybe i want to start a blog? Maybe i'll share this? Maybe i want to raise awareness? I have no idea what for yet, but maybe it will all become apparent?

That's the beauty of life, who knows what will happen...

[That's not really a beautiful thing is it, i hate not knowing what's going to happen, don't you? But we all say it, because we like to remain positive...]

4 hours into writing, and i have decided to create a blog and share how i am feeling. After all, i'm an attention seeker...right? For those that don't understand why i just said that, soon you will.

Maybe somebody will see this and fall in love with my writing and i will become a best selling author one day

(most unlikely, but i did get a B in English...and that's about the only grade i did get..)

So, let's go...

I have no idea where to start really, you see the thing is i have a really bad memory. My ex hated my memory. That's one i missed off the list actually, maybe i could get dementia or have a bad accident where i lose my memory and i'll need this to look back on to remember my past life and 'who i am'

The problem is, i don't really know who i am yet...well of course i know who i am....

What i mean is, i'm not sure what my purpose is, what i want to do with my life, but then again, does anybody know?

Does anybody know what they want to be, what they want to do at the weekend, what they want to wear, what they want for dinner? If you do, that's great and i'm so glad. But i can guarantee 99% of you answered no to the above.

The thing is, we're all unhappy. Whether we admit it or not, we are. You might be unhappy with your looks, with your weight, with your hair, with your partner, with your friend, with your life. But guess what, you are not alone!

And i guess the question is, are we ever going to be happy?

Look at it this way

I'm single, i wish i was in a relationship. When i was in a relationship, i wanted to be single. I wanted to work abroad for years. When i worked abroad, i wanted to be back in England.

Sometimes, when i'm surrounded by people, i want to be alone. When i'm alone, i'm miserable and want to be surrounded by people.

I guess what i'm trying to say is...stop worrying. We're never 100% happy. Nobody is.

The models we see on Instagram with 240k followers, they are not happy. Your horrible boss who seems like they have it all, they are not happy. Single people who seem to be having fun all the time, they are not happy. Married people who seem happy and perfect, they are not happy. Jodie Carnall who has been on TV, she's confident, she's not afraid of anything, shes so funny, she's so happy!

I'm Jodie Carnall. I am afraid. I am funny.... ;)

But i'm not happy.

And neither are you....